"Judge Not, Before You Judge Yourself." -  Bob Marley

   Luke 6:37 - Judge not, and ye shall not be judged: condemn not, and ye shall not be condemned: forgive, and ye shall be forgiven.

      Hi guys!
            I wanted to make you aware that my client, Dave, has started a brutally honest blog, Exercise Dammit, that describes his struggle to lose 350 lbs. If you are trying to lose weight or interested in a very raw and real account of what it's like for someone to lose all that weight, then definitely take a gander at Dave's blog. Lucky for us, he's very articulate! I'm also gracious that he offered to share his struggles, graphic descriptions and all, because he's SO honest that all of us will be able to relate to his story on some level. So thank you, Dave. 

         I'm happy to say Dave's more motivated now than he's ever been and almost lost enough weight to avoid getting gastric bypass surgery.  We definitely aren't out of the woods yet! A lot of work still needs to be done, but as Dave's coach, I can honestly say the Dave "now" is so much more motivated to meet his goal weight while making the appropriate lifestyle changes than the Dave "then."  It's nearly shocking, and I'm so proud of him.  When I first talked to him about being his wellness coach, his motivation was low, losing the weight didn't seem at all possible in his mind, and he had an excuse for every ( I mean EVERY) suggestion I made. I silently though, "Oh God, this guy is gonna be tough."  Now HE'S making great suggestions to me, creating unique workouts on his poorman's budget and constantly on the lookout for incorporating more positive lifestyle changes into his daily routine.  That's what creating a path to wellness is all about: Creative, informed self-reliance and making positive lifestyle changes where you can, when you can and with the money you got! Go DAVE!  Soon, I'll just be getting in his way.  :)

           If you read his latest blog, you'll notice that he's experiencing a minor setback.  A fungus, Candidiasis, broke out all over his body.  Though a ubiquitous fungus, it's an opportunistic pain in the ass and has a penchant for setting up shop in moist, warm areas.  My guess is that Dave's increased exercise led to increased sweating, creating a Candidias utopia of sorts, and unfortunately those types of skin infections can be really painful.  Dave went to the ER, because he was in a lot of pain, and a long story short, the Doctor-on-call did not treat him very nicely. She was snippy, rude and made condescending comments about his weight.  Now, it is true that Cutaneous ( skin) Candidiasis is more common in obese people and diabetic people, but that does not warrant a snide comment about someone's weight, especially by a medical professional.  If the doctor took the time to properly get to know Dave's current history, she would have heard about his almost-100 pound weight loss, new healthy eating habits and exercise regime. But, no. Instead she went for the dig, which is despicable given that she's a doctor dealing with people's most personal and vulnerable issues on a daily basis.

      I spoke to Dave afterward, noticing the defeated and sorrowful tone in his voice.  After some poking and prodding, I was able to get him to tell me about his ER experience. Then I was angry that this doctor's behavior and words made him feel depressed.  I was worried his depression would demoralize him and make him have an even larger setback than the one he was already having. My initial response was to get the doctor's number and rip her a new one. Well, I am Irish. Every once in a while, we appreciate a good fight! ;)   On second thought, I took a deep breath, talked to Dave about both conventional and alternative cures for cutaneous yeast infections and told him that next time, he should put the doctor in her place.  He can easily do that by remaining calm, looking straight at her, hopefully with her colleagues around, and say, "I'm sorry you feel the need to lash out at me this way and insult me. I thought you were a medical professional, but I guess I must have been mistaken, as a medical professional wouldn't talk like that to her patients."   Whatever. Something like that. My point being that if anyone attempts to insult you with daggers at your obvious vulnerabilities, there are ways to put them in their place, no matter WHO they are, and, well, embarrass the crap out of them too. ( Okay, that's the Irish in me again)  ;) 

          When I was in my own recovery process from a deep, dark, paralyzing depression, I felt the judgement too. I did some pretty stupid things when I was depressed, as I wasn't in my right frame of mind. How could I be? Something was severely off with the chemistry inside my brain, that lovely organ that dictates how we relate to the world and those around us. In fact, on days when I was really depressed, I'd isolate myself from the world and tell everyone I was having a "bad brain chemistry day." That faulty chemistry caused me to behave in ways that were out of character from my true self. ( Realllly out of character!) Of course, if you've never been depressed, I'll sound foreign and crazy. If you have been depressed, then I'm positive you can relate on some level.  I've never been obese, so I can't entirely understand Dave's story, but I can certainly listen with compassion, do my best to empathize with his situation without casting judgment, and hopefully come up with ways to help him. 

          Sometimes I'll hear a person make a nasty remark about an obese person indicating the person has "no self control" or is a "fat pig" or whatever.  The thing is, we don't really know what causes obesity. It's still very much a mysterious mixture of genetics, epigenetics, environment, lifestyle, hormones and more. If we knew EXACTLY what caused it or how to fix it, then there would be zero obese people in the world. It's just not the case.  Just like no one really knows what causes depression- no doubt a mysterious mix as much as obesity.  We also don't know what factors come together to create "self control," one's level of motivation, one's desire to change or one's level of restraint.  Sometimes we project our OWN levels onto others, which creates judgement, but the reality is the unique ingredients that go into forming those intangible, human characteristics are probably just as varied and just as much a mystery as what goes into depression and obesity.  And if that's the case, judgement is nothing more than a wasteful expenditure of energy- energy that would be better utilized to help a person change for the better. 

          You see, we ALL have something that others can use to judge us, insult us or alienate us. We all carry a stigma, we all have failures, setbacks, embarrassments, insecurities and we are all so, so, so friggen vulnerable.  If you're sitting there thinking, "No, I don't," or "No, I'm not,"  well, the minute you get stuck in a deep, deep rut, find yourself in a horrendous situation you never thought possible,  feel alone, out of control, vulnerable and like you lost your mind..., in the moment when you are being humbled by life's playbook, come back and read this blog. What I wrote here will make a lot more sense to you.  But it's a lot easier to just "judge not!"  ;)

Night,

Dr. Eeks